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If they knew this about themselves and learned to show themselves love and compassion then this would help them attract good people for long life affirming relationships. John Pachankis, a stress researcher at Yale, says the real damage gets done in the five or so years between realizing your sexuality and starting to tell other people.
Fortunately, I have also learned how to identify and name these self-defeating and often hidden hurdles—and have discovered that they are beliefs that too many gay men repeat to themselves, often without even knowing it. A marketing expert, Susan was in a pleasant but not passionate heterosexual marriage at the time.
We were on and off for four years, lots of break-ups and getting back together. After her last relationship with a man ended in her 40s, Violet says she "gave up on love.